Dear Grandpa....

First off, let me say that me and Mom really love you. You're our family and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for you.

That being said, Mom's pretty upset about your conversation last night. When Grandma died, it was my mom and me that came to your house and helped you figure out your credit cards, your bills, your bank account and all the paper work. We cleaned, did laundry and took valuable time away from our own business responsibilities. We didn't ask you for anything. We did it because we care about you.

When you wanted to get your report out to the world, it was my Mom that acquired your web site (called a domain), designed your website Photon-Nonphoton Universe and put your information together so everyone could see your theory. You get a lot of pleasure from looking at your statistics, thanks to your daughter, Michele.

We drove you to the market, to the bank, and wherever you wanted to go and we never expected anything from you. We still don't.

Your apartment is in desperate need of cleaning. It's a health hazard to most living creatures except maybe cockroaches, and it's stinky poo to high heaven. But you don't even let anyone into your apartment any more. You could have help. Even if you just had someone clean your bathroom and wash your towels, it would make a difference. But you say you're happy in your stinkiness and you won't even consider having anyone help. And you act like it's a big joke.

Your driver's license is expired and Mike suggested that Mom try to help get you a California identification card, which is an absolute necessity if you want to cash checks, or have anything notarized, and sometimes if you want to use a credit card. An expired driver's license is not acceptable or legal. And you yelled at Mom. You pretty much accused her of wanting you to die. You really hurt her feelings. All she's ever tried to do was be kind to you and take care of you. I bet my Grandma wouldn't be very happy with how you are treating my mom.

You know me. I hate to get in the middle of human stuff and I will love you forever, and you can't say anything much that will hurt my feelings. On the other hand, my mom is a sensitive, loving, caring, giving person who truly appreciates her family, what's left of it. She would like nothing more than for you to take responsibility for your own business, for you to make and secure your own plans for your future, and for you to take care of your own personal hygiene.

Once you're gone, that's it. You don't get to make choices any more. Whatever happens, happens. Death comes without warning...without invitation. And your final expenses probably won't get paid because you haven't assigned a beneficiary to any of your bank accounts and you don't want to think about it. You have no signed will, so how does anyone know what you want? And who you trust to follow your wishes? Or who could legally do it? Five years ago, Mom spent days with you typing exactly what you told her you wanted and it's still there, on the buffet, unsigned. What was the point?

Good luck, Grandpa. I personally hope you outlive all of us.

Mary-Margaret